6/4 Screen Printing Press Wanted (California)

For Sale

I would like to sell my virginity in exchange for a 6 or 8 color printing press. I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT HAVE SIDE CLAMPS AND MICRO-REGISTRATION! Looking specifically for M&R Sidewinder or Chameleon. If you have an expanded Chameleon (utilizing duo-deck technology) I will offer you whatever I can give. I sold my mom's bed on craigslist yesterday, so I have $100 cash I can give you in addition to said offering.

I'm a clean, fit, 6'3", white, male. Aged 21. If you are skeptical about the authenticity of my virginity, just ask any of my friends about it. Seriously, I have absolutely no game. I used to be able to add "respectable" in the description of myself, but I think that might be a contradiction in context to this posting. All I can say is, I hope there are some female printing press owners out there.